Let's Get Emotional

I usually try to avoid anything emotional or cheesy-sounding in my public life. But I'll be honest with you, hive: behind my sarcasm, my penchant for jokes, and my discomfort with public displays of emotion, I am an emotional wreck right now. This past weekend was my 2nd shower (I'll blog about the first one soon too!) and my bachelorette party, and now that they're over, I feel...I don't even know how I feel.

Personal pic

Me and the bridesmaids in my shower dress.

I feel relieved that my time in the spotlight is over (for now), sad that these events I looked forward to are now done, overwhelmed with all the nice things my friends and family did for me and said about me this weekend, and shocked that so many people care this much for me (I'm pulling a Sally Field here, I know).

Image via Nathan Eide

I'm also feeling nostalgic about past life chapters when I reflect on the fact that I'll soon be moving out of my childhood bedroom, never to return (now I'm pulling a Kanye), and just generally emotional about marrying Mr. Unicycle. I'm getting nervous and excited about the wedding, crying at Fancy Feast commercials, worrying about making each day of this engagement count (kudos, Jack Dawson), and since I'm already crying over here, I really, really miss Mr. Unicycle. Above all, right now I feel overwhelmed with gratitude toward everyone who came to my shower and/or bachelorette party, gave me a gift (even if we're talking peen straws and questionable balloons), said something nice to me, paid for my fancy bachelorette dinner, and just generally made me feel so special this weekend. I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude that I'm feeling insanely guilty--the phrase "I can't thank you enough" comes to mind. No, seriously--I can't thank these people enough. But I'm sure telling them how guilty I feel about all the nice things they've done for me is the exact opposite of what I should do.

Personal pic.

Feasting on crème brûlée at the appropriately named restaurant, Balzac.

I'm anxious about making sure everybody who comes to the wedding has a good time. I'm so worried I won't be able to say hello to everyone in attendance, or a friend who doesn't know anyone else there will be miserable, or I won't be able to pick someone up from the airport who flew in just to see me. I don't want to be in the limelight the entire day, yet I worry about coming off as ungrateful for shying away.

In the past few weeks, people have been asking me if I'm nervous about the wedding. The first time it happened I was sort of taken aback. Nervous? No, the only thing I was nervous about was getting all of my to do's done. But now that you mention it, I'm getting more and more anxious each day, and it's causing me to be physically ill. I always assumed the engagement period and wedding events would be 100% positive experiences, but I can't help but feel all kinds of bad emotions now that it's crunch time.

My blog post-ending question: Is this normal? Or am I a psycho?