I read this post about weird feelings that come with the proposal on Glamour's wedding blog a few weeks ago, and it struck a chord for me. The gist of the post is that proposals can be kind of awkward, even if you're overjoyed by the proposal, the guy asking, and the prospect of marrying him. Even if the proposal is well-thought out, romantic, and beautiful (like mine totally was!), it can feel kind of awkward.
When I pictured Mr. Unicycle putting a ring on it, I think I imagined everything moving in slow motion while something composed by John Williams played in the distance. I pictured Mr. Unicyle saying something inaudible to me (the music would play over the audio so the screenwriter wouldn't have to come up with something actually heartwarming to have him say) while tears welled up in my eyes (sans running mascara). I'd hold my hand over my mouth while he whispered sweet nothings, he'd ask, I'd nod yes, he'd slip the ring on my finger (without any struggle at the knuckle area), and we'd embrace. The scene would fade out while the music swelled. Roll credits.
I imagine if you'd seen my proposal from afar, and happened to be listening to the Home Alone soundtrack at the time, it might have appeared to happen this way. But when it happens to you, it just feels different. This line from the post summed it up best:
"While it’s wonderful in a way, it can also be weird to watch someone you
know so well do two things he’s likely never done before: get down on
one knee and ask you to marry him."
Mr. Unicycle was doing something straight out of a movie, which isn't how he normally acts at all. While we'd talked about getting married before (at length!), this was for real. It made me feel weird that, when we talked about "when we're married" and "for our wedding..." before, it meant nothing, but now that he'd presented me with a ring down on one knee, we were engaged. I'd woken up single and now I was someone's fiance. And I had my own fiance too! And as stupid as it sounds, I felt kind of embarrassed to have to tell people I was getting married, because I feel like I'm still perceived as a child, and I half expect people to point and laugh when I say I'm getting married, as in "haha you like a BOY! Oh la la!" Maybe I'm just scarred for life because that happened to me in kindergarten.
After I said yes, the ring was placed on my finger, Mr. Unicycle got off his knee, and we hugged it out, we just stood there looking at each other in shock and disbelief. I remember thinking I should be crying more, but it all happened so quickly that I didn't even have time to process what was happening. I felt like my reaction didn't match the importance of the event. After wishing for years that Mr. Unicycle and I could be engaged, it didn't seem real that it had finally happened. And to be honest, I felt something similar to grief, because I'd never get proposed to again. The moment I'd envisioned over and over in my mind for the past 4 years had come and gone in a matter of seconds, and my mind was reeling.
If you recall from my proposal story, I almost ruined the moment by begging Mr. Unicycle to let me climb back into the car to escape the blizzard. When we got back into the car, I couldn't stop looking at him. I had nothing to say. I was happy, nervous, excited, confused, and yes, a little awkward. All we could do was look at each other and smile, and occasionally kiss. I think I exclaimed "I just can't believe it!" a few times too.
Personal pic
Sadly, we have no photos of the proposal. I chose this one because we look kind of awkward.
Don't get me wrong; the proposal was wonderful and magical, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Mr. Unicycle knew I dreamed of an outdoor proposal, and he knew I'd love for him to get down on one knee, since it's traditional. He got me a much better ring than I could have chosen for myself, and most importantly, I was 100% sure that I wanted to marry him and that I was ready to make that step. Despite the fact that I think Mr. Unicycle and I are a perfect match, and we'll have a wonderful marriage, I still felt this way about the proposal. So even though it's taboo to equate anything but the most positive of emotions with proposal stories, I wanted to share my experience in case others felt the same way.
Was your reaction to your proposal different than you imagined? Did you feel a ton of different emotions at once? Please tell me I'm not alone!
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