Karisa Getting Married: The Celebrity Guide to Marriage

If there's anything I've learned from celebrities this year, it's how not to maintain a relationship. Sure, lots of people divorce for legitimate reasons, including celebrities, and I truly don't know enough about relationships (and even less about marriage) to know why they sometimes fail. But hindsight is 20/20, especially when you're looking at a celebrity whose story has been highly dramatized by the media. Disclaimer over. Follow these tips and your marriage is guaranteed to succeed!*

1. Don't marry a drug counselor if you're a drug abuser. And if you do, at least try to hide it from him. And if you have to frantically search for crack cocaine in front of your drug counselor husband on occasion, make sure that occasion isn't your wedding night. Note: If you make this mistake and still want to be with your husband, have lots of caveman makeup sex in order to win him back.

Image via People

2. Don't marry someone with whom you have "irreconcilable differences." If you do, make sure you at least get a pre-nup. And don't marry someone with crazay eyez. It doesn't bode well for the future.

Image via Celebrific

3. Don't love yourself more than you love your husband (unless he's a douche). Also don't marry someone who will be jealous of your success and, well, assets. On the flip side, don't marry J. Lo because she clearly can't handle commitment.

Image via msnbc

4. Don't marry someone you've known for less than a year. Don't accuse your husband of being a fame whore when you are a fame whore yourself. Don't keep planning your damn fairy tale wedding even though you already know it's a mistake.

Image via People

On a side note, damn his hand is big.

5. Don't name your twitter handle after your husband and then become known for your twitter addiction. It's the kiss of death for relationships of the millennium, much like tattoos were for the 90s.