Sunday, December 8, 2013

Mrs. Unicycle's Holiday Gift Guide

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Time to buy all the things! And get all the things bought for you! I always think I like shopping because I used to go to the mall weekly when I was a teenager, and sometimes I forget that I'm an actual adult now. But then I go to the mall and I end up muttering swear words under my breath and wishing I had a walker that could function as a weapon on an as-needed basis. So basically internet shopping and gift guides are a lifesaver for me. Well, they're a lifesaver for the people I otherwise would have taken out with my walker at the mall.

That doesn't mean I won't shout obscenities at my computer and/or internet connection.

Anyway, here's what I'm planning on buying this year, from the comfort of my gray-and-white-polka-dot pajama pants (yep, still obsessed).

WHAT I WANT: Save the best for first, amirite?

Travel coffee mugs

Image via ThinkGeek
Maybe I could trick my coworkers into thinking I'm smart if I have this travel mug with SCIENCE on it!

Everyone told me not to put my travel mugs in the microwave and dishwasher, and I was all like "YEAH WHATEVER!" I thought that was one of those things adults forbid themselves from doing because they're obsessed with self-imposed rules that make their lives more difficult (have you noticed that??) such as "no eating crackers in bed" and "don't throw old coffee grounds down the drain." But then I put my travel mugs in the dishwasher, and now one of them permanently tastes like dish soap, and the other got water stuck up inside the lining and will probably grow mold. Failing as an adult :(

Cuddl Duds, fleece-lined leggings, other warmth-promoting garments

Image via Cuddl Duds

I got a new job this fall, for which I must park half a mile away and walk (uphill both ways, in the snow) every day. I've already been taking my warmth seriously this winter, and it's only going to get more dire as the season wears on. So if Santa has a heart, he'll bring me some long underwear.

The Disaster Artist

Image via Amazon

I heard about this book from Mrs. Treasure, and I can't believe I hadn't seen it before. Fans of the awesomely bad film The Room will enjoy reading a behind-the-scenes exposé on the making of the movie and why Tommy Wiseau is fed up with this world. If you've ever seen this movie, you probably had one of two thoughts upon completing it: A) What the HELL did I just watch? or B) I need to know why this movie was made. Actually, I had both thoughts. But if you're curious about why it was made, I'm assuming this book can help you out.

FOR MR. UNICYCLE: We were toying with the idea of just taking each other out to a fancy restaurant or maybe just buying a new stove for our house. (See, I'm not so bad at being an insufferable adult after all!) But then he mentioned that he was buying me something and I was all "wait, aren't we not doing gifts this year?" and now I don't know if that was just his evil plot to get me to buy him something. If I don't buy him anything, he'll probably get me something anyway, and then it'll be a truly awkward Christmas morning. So I came up with a few small ideas.

Indian Cookbook

Image via Amazon

Mr. Unicycle does all the cooking in our house, which is amazing, and he's been increasingly interested in Indian cuisine lately. If I happen to benefit from his delicious food? Purely accidental.

New Man-Slippers

Image via Amazon
I'm not actually getting him this pair, but I just thought these looked hilarious.

He told me the other day that his slippers "smell like a zoo." Enough friggin said.

FOR MY SISTERS-IN-LAW: I have one sister-in-law and one future sister-in-law this year.

Boxer Wine Stopper

Image via Amazon

My brother and his wife are obsessed with their dogs, and frankly, I don't blame them. How could you not love the charming underbite of a Boxer? She also drinks wine because she's human, so Boxer wine stoppers are the perfect gift!

Basic Wine Guide
Image via Wine Folly

I think educational art is the best, and when it's educating you about wine? Even better! This Basic Wine Guide is like a wine infographic you can hang on your wall and could be a good reference guide or conversation piece. And honestly, I just want it for my own home and am probably projecting my own wine obsession onto other people at this point.

The Broke-Ass Bride's Wedding Guide

Image via Amazon

My future SIL needs to plan a wedding before she'll be my actual SIL, so I bought her Mrs. Meatball's book!


My Mom Interview Book

 Image via Amazon

My mom loves sappy stuff, homemade gifts, and spending time with me. (I don't mean to brag, but...the woman loves me!) This book offers all three: You go to your mom's house, interview her using the questions in the book--What music did you grow up listening to? Who were your best friends?--and write down her answers in the book, which can become a family heirloom. And if you have a sentimental dad, granparents, or in-laws, you can buy books like this for them too! According to reviews, the actual book is about "the size of an index card," so you may even want to just make up your own questions and create a book using Blurb or Shutterfly. Or MS Word and your printer. No judgment.

As for my brothers, brother-in-law, dad, and father-in-law, I still have no ideas. Men! Can't live with them, can't live without their cooking. Hopefully someone else gives me ideas for them. And soon.

What are you guys getting for the men in your life?