Monday, December 31, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: Tying the Knot

Our priest started off our ceremony with an opening prayer and a speech about how our decision to get married was a "gutsy move," a "huge act of faith," and "a bad case of the warm fuzzies." I can't/don't want to transcribe his whole speech, but he basically just said we wouldn't be here without being taught by our friends and families how to love, and that we had no idea what was in store for us in the future (because we are young, naive, and stupid, basically. Again, I'm paraphrasing). You can hear this poignant speech in our video if you so desire. We had Mr. Unicycle's brother/Best Man do the first reading, then there was a responsorial psalm, and then my cousin did the second reading. Next was the gospel and homily. We don't have a written copy of the ceremony, and out wedding video is edited so I can't provide a word-for-word script, but that would be boring anyway. We didn't get to choose most of what was said; we chose from a few options for readings, but that was it. Instead, enjoy the pics!

Our guests looked solemn/bored.

Our piano man played on!

More solemnity!

I did gank the wording for the vows and statement of intent from our video for you:
Priest: Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
Unicycles: I have.
Priest: Will you love each other as husband and wife for the rest of your lives?
Unicycles: I will.
Priest: Will you accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his church? 
Unicycles: I will [but hopefully not for a loooooooong time].


Next, we exchanged vows.
Priest: Do you, Chris, take Karisa to be your wife? Do you promise to be true to her in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health? Will you love her and honor her all the days of your life? 
Mr. Unicycle: I will.
Priest: Karisa, will you take Chris to be your husband, promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health? Will you love him and honor him all the days of your life? 
Mrs. Unicycle: I will.

Up next, we finish up the ceremony and I get pissy. 

Do you think our decision to get married was a bad case of the warm fuzzies?

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: Don't Trip, Don't Trip!

While I was freaking out in the vestibule, our ceremony was just beginning. We chose the classic "Canon in D" for our parents and wedding party to come down the aisle to. I decided to go as classic as possible for the ceremony, because I liked the idea of having a stereotypical, quintessential ceremony that was the same as the kind I'd performed for Barbie and Ken growing up. Also, I once butchered "Canon in D" at a piano recital, so this gave me some closure on that horrifying experience.

Personal pic
Let's all take a moment to be thankful this outfit and these glasses don't exist anymore.

First down the aisle were Mr. Unicycle's parents, followed by my mom escorted by my little brother. Fun fact: At the rehearsal, for some reason the church coordinator kept telling him that he was "just an usher" even though he was a groomsman, and I think he started to feel a little bad about himself. So now I constantly remind him that he's "just an usher" whenever he's annoying me.

When the mothers got to the front, they lit the candles we'd use for our unity candle ceremony later on.

Next up came the bridesmaids and groomsmen. My maid of honor had to walk alone because the priest wanted the best man to be standing at the altar with Mr. Unicycle already, for "moral support," I guess.

Then the music changed to "Here Comes the Bride." (I told you we went traditional!) Everyone stood up, and my dad and I began our walk toward Mr. Unicycle. I'd like to say I focused on him the whole time, and my freakout dissipated like sands through the hourglass or something, but I'll be real: I was still freaking out for the first half of my walk. I remembered to smile about halfway down. Mr. Unicycle seemed amused at my tears.

I was very relieved by the time I got to the front, partly because the scary walk was over, and partly because Mr. Unicycle has that affect on me. He's basically the human Xanax. I had to make this collage of The Many Faces of Mr. Unicycle. What a friggin' hottie. I can't stand it.

When we got to the end of the aisle, my mom stood up so she and my dad could both give me away. My dad flipped my veil (we had practiced this ad nauseum because I was so sure he would screw it up, as dads are wont to do), then he and my mom kissed me, and he placed my hand in Mr. Unicycle's hand.

And we headed to the front of the church to begin the riveting ceremony!

What do you think will be going through your head during your walk down the aisle? Will you have tunnel vision, or will you be nervous like me?

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: The Freakout Part 2

I promise I wasn't forced into marrying Mr. Unicycle, though my photos tell another story.

If Adele can have snot during her Grammy speech, so can I on my wedding day!
Also for some reason I thought people couldn't see me behind the veil. But you clearly can.

I was a nervous wreck the night before the wedding, all the way up to the ceremony. Why? It wasn't because I was afraid our cocktail hour would be rained out or our guests wouldn't use our guestbook, or some other detail would go wrong. It wasn't because I was having second thoughts about marrying Mr. Unicycle (I mean really, how could I?).

I'd marry this guy even if I'd never met him before!

I was worried because I didn't want everyone looking at me as I walked down the aisle. I don't know why this scared me so much, but the image of all those people staring at me haunted my dreams, and when the wedding party and I headed upstairs to get lined up in the vestibule, I saw that very image in real life.

This photo still scares me. I wanted to pull a Christina Aguilera/Damian from Mean Girls and say "Don't look at me!"

As I exited the elevator and saw this I was all "ohhh shiiiit."

Everyone else was oblivious.

The waiting in the vestibule was unbearable. I started breathing really quickly and shaking, but everyone else was laughing and joking around without a care in the world.





And then all of a sudden, I burst into tears. Not the slow, mournful kind like when you're watching The Christmas Shoes and the little boy puts those fugly shoes on his mother's feet. It was the face-contortion-with-monster-wails kind of crying, like this:

I would have done anything to have seen Mr. Unicycle right before my walk down the aisle, but that would have defeated the purpose of not having a first look. My dad stepped in for consoling duties, and he was pretty good. He told a few dad jokes, which seemed to do the trick.
Of course my dad was amused at his daughter's anguish.




This is probably how he looked at me when I refused to eat my creamed corn as a baby too.

My maid of honor inquired about my condition and--get this--she and my dad made fun of me. On my SPESHUL DAY!


This is one of my favorite photos, because it looks like my dad is getting emotional about his only daughter growing up, moving on, etc. But no, he's mocking me.
What a jokester.

After I wiped my snot away, a la Adele, the others headed down the aisle and I focused on not passing out.




And we were off!

Did you have to wipe any snot away on your wedding day? Be honest; you're in good company! And if you're not married yet, are you dreading the walk down the aisle, or are you excited for it?

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: Going to the Chapel

When we left off, the girls and I hammed it up outside the hotel for a while, and the men hammed it up and did manly things inside a different hotel. I assume they headed to the church in various vehicles after their hamming was done, but again, I wasn't actually there.

After our hamming was done, I announced that it was time to hit the limo! Then I looked left, right, left again, and said, "uh...where's the limo?" It was supposed to arrive at a specific time, which had actually already passed, and I had been a little worried during the photo session that we were making the guy wait confusedly. But I need not worry, because he was not there, waiting around confusedly; he was driving around about 45 minutes away, confusedly.

If you recall (you probably don't, since I wrote this back in July--do you even recall who I am??), we had changed the pick up location for the limo driver, but he had decided not to listen to us or something. (Side note: I wasn't pissed about it at the time, because I figured it was just an honest mistake. But it would have been nice to get a little discount sumpin' sumpin' out of the deal, considering he didn't actually drive us for the allotted time we paid for...I won't link to the company's website, but needless to say, they don't have very good reviews online, and I wish I had thought to check there before.)

I got on the phone with Mr. Unicycle's dad, who informed me about the mix-up, and told him to deck the guy real good when he saw him. Then I turned to my own dad and said "Let's take the truck!" My dad was going to drive himself to the church in his pickup truck, so I figured we'd let him take the bride too. Even then I was thinking "this could make a good story. I actually love the idea of arriving at the church in a pickup truck." So we did!

I made sure to duck down in my seat as we rolled up, and we snuck in the side entrance to hide in the basement. Meanwhile, our guests were greeting each other in the vestibule:


And pinning getting their homemade boutonnieres and corsages pinned to them against their will.

Mr. Unicycle's cousins handed out the programs I labored over.


Meanwhile, the bridesmaids, my parents, and I waited nervously in the church basement. Well, I waited nervously. Everyone else was going about their day having a grand old time, anticipating the open bar and dance party. Meanwhile, I was shitting bricks (can you say "shitting bricks" in a church basement? Okay fine. I was shitting rocks.) 

Guest photo

The church I got married at is connected to the school I went to for Kindergarten through 8th grade, so I have many memories in that basement, which served as our gymnasium, cafeteria, AND auditorium--we liked to get our money's worth. I was a little bit overcome with emotion as I looked around, remembering 7th grade lunch gossip, 3rd grade parachute games (those seriously rock), 2nd grade talent shows, my 8th grade graduation, etc. I even had my Girl Scout meetings in this basement (actually, my old Girl Scout leader took the above and below guest photo!), and one time we saw a bride about to get married upstairs in the church, and all the Girl Scouts suddenly went wedding crazy and started drawing our future wedding dresses. Everything in my childhood happened in this basement, and now here I was dressed as a bride, ready to get married upstairs. 

Guest photo
I think my mom was getting nervous too. Her flower was also trying to jump ship boob.

Meanwhile, Mr. Unicycle and his brother waited at the altar for what seemed like forever to him. He told me later that he thought I was running late (I would never!). He didn't consider the fact that I may have gotten cold feet or become a runaway bride, so I realized I need to work harder at keeping him on his toes. 

Rico...
...Suave. sigh he is so hot.

How do you think you'll feel the moments before you walk down the aisle? Is your husband/fiance Rico Suave too?