Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: Our Video

I interrupt these recaps to you bring you...our wedding video! Unfortunately/fortunately (depending on your browser speed and time commitment to this blog post) I don't have a quick 2 minute video to offer you. Instead, I present to you a 41 minute Unicyclestravaganza. To make it easier for you to participate in this one-of-a-kind viewing experience, here are some tips:

  • The password is unicycle
  • You may need to let it buffer for a bit, turn off HD (click on the little "HD" to turn it off), or watch it on a better computer (you know I'm worth it!).
  • My videographer suggests you cozy up with some popcorn.
  • I've included a play-by-play below so you know which parts to watch and which to skip, or so this post isn't completely pointless to you if you can't watch the video. I'm not going to go into great detail in this post, since that would spoil my future recaps, for which you're currently all on the edges of your various seats.
Without further ado, your new favorite movie:

C & K Documentary from Hendzel Productions on Vimeo.


  • 00:28 Watch my dad's unemotional "first look." Even more riveting than the photo documentation.
  • 00:39 Drinking game: take a shot every time I/someone else fixes my veil!
  • 00:48 We were peer pressured into making the duck face. I claim innocence.
  • 1:14 Fake laugh alert
  • 2:42 I look miserable as I walk down the aisle, both because I can't walk in my shoes and because I'm being led to my DOOM. Just kidding. But doesn't it look that way?
  • 2:51 "Oh yeah, people are looking at you. You should smile. Chronic bitch face be damned! Can I think the word 'bitch' in church? What about 'damned?'"
  • 3:48 The priest calls our relationship a "bad case of the warm fuzzies." Feel free to skip.
  • 7:33 The vows
  • 9:30 The rings
  • 10:32 The unity candle, our nod to General Hospital.
  • 11:14 Don't watch this part because it's awkward. But if you must, it's our awkward first kiss. And I cringe seeing it.
  • 11:30 The music starts up again. Boring family pics. Don't watch unless you're fully committed to internet stalking me. 
  • 12:26 Wedding party pics
  • 12:44 Will they go in the fountain?
  • 12:51 Yes, they will.
  • 13:07 We kiss in a field, as we do.
  • 13:38 Wedding party entrances. This is a must-watch.
  • 15:48 Who knew the cake cutting could be more awkward than our first kiss? Watch us attack the cake like wild animals, then smear the frosting to kingdom come and laugh about what savages we are. Okay it's not that funny. I'm setting you up for disappointment.
  • 17:12 I love how I slink away and grab the cake slyly at the end. I wasn't about to let that bad boy go uneaten.
  • 17:15 The MOH speech
  • 18:20 She says I have a "sweet, sunny personality." ???
  • 20:27 If you listen closely, the end of her speech is from Titanic. Note all the girls at the head table dying laughing.
  • 21:02 Best Man speech
  • 21:29 Requisite joke about Mr. Unicycle's hairline
  • 24:21 My dad's speech
  • 26:13 My favorite dad joke of the whole speech. Kudos, dad.
  • 27:15 My dad laughs louder than anyone else at his own "whore in church" line.
  • 29:21 The first dance. Pretty boring and standard. You should skip.
  • 32:38 Father daughter dance. Ditto.
  • 36:00 My dad said he was going to dip me at the end, and I went for it too early.
  • 36:16 When it's actually time to dip, I don't realize that I have to maintain some kind of support for my own body weight, so I fling myself backward and do an impromptu trust fall. Luckily my dad was on the ball, even a few beers in.
  • 36:25 Mother son dance.
  • 38:33 Several minutes of drunk people dancing like there's no tomorrow/videographer.

If you're on the fence about having a videographer, I say DO IT. Everyone told me it would be a waste of money and I'd never watch the video, but they obviously underestimated my narcissism. Plus, I've wanted a wedding video ever since I saw Mrs. Kitten's video post, which brought me to tears even though I don't know her at all (seriously what is wrong with me? Am I going through menopause?)

If you're in the Chicago area, I highly recommend Hendzel Productions. They were very affordable, easy to work with, and they stayed out of the way while still capturing all of the important shots. I also liked that their video cameras looked like still cameras, so guests weren't aware they were being videotaped. How else could we have gotten such priceless dancing footage??

Did you/will you have a videographer? What was your favorite part of our video (if you watched it)? If you didn't watch it, what was your favorite part about not watching it?

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: The Men Do Manly Things

Sometimes recap posts about the men getting ready bore me. I mean, what's interesting about a bunch of guys wearing matching penguin suits, laboring over cuff links? Luckily/unfortunately, we don't have any photos of the men pretending to get dressed. They all got dressed separately and then met at a hotel for a manly photo op. (The hotel is actually the place we stayed on our wedding night, and it's probably the swankiest thing in my home town.) I mentioned previously that there was a bit of a mixup with the second shooter, and it was my fault for rescheduling and forgetting to tell the photographer. So for the most part, I think the dudes were just chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool until the photographer showed up. 

Bro-ing it up. Can you guess which two are my brothers?

Since I wasn't there, and I'm sure the real story is boring as all heck, I'm going to make up a story of what went down.

First, the men all met up by the doors and each dude said "hey, man" to each other dude, for every possibly permutation of dude greetings. They all did the man hug too, where you start with a high five which turns into a handshake/handgrip combo, you pull your torsos together, and you slap each others' backs masculinely. 

Mr. Unicycle: Well, what do we do now?
My bro: Let's grab some seats and bro it out for a while, brah.

Mr. Unicycle with my bro-iest of bros.

So they went upstairs to the lounging area (this hotel lobby is enormous) and all sat down, making sure to leave at least one seat in between all of them, as men do. They then proceeded to chat about fantasy sports, whiskey, Breaking Bad, video games, and hot chicks.
Mr. Unicycle's college roommate

Mr. Unicycle's other college roommate.

Mr. Unicycle's bro.

My lil' bro

At some point, Mr. Unicycle's parents showed up and assisted with the pinning of the boutonnieres, which is always a memorable event. I made the bouts using another Martha Stewart tutorial (I blogged about them here too), and my MIL fluffed them up to make the petals curly. 
Father and son

Father and sons

The whole family

After a morning of chillaxin', abusing the word "dude," and taking photos, one of the guys said "hey man, maybe we should head to the church for the wedding or whatever." And they strutted out like p-i-m-ps.

Did your husband bro it up before the ceremony? How believable is my story?

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: Hamming it Up

***Side note: Attention Wisconsin brides! I'm organizing a Milwaukee meetup! See the local board for more info.***

We built some time into the schedule to do bridesmaid pictures before the ceremony. And since I felt like kind of a douche posing by myself in the hotel room, the ladies joined me and we all douched it up together (that sentence sounds truly terrifying in retrospect...yet I'm not editing it...)

More fake laughing. I don't laugh that heartily IRL.

Personal pic

Personal pic

When all the gratuitous photos were taken and our bags were packed up, we headed outside to take more pics in the hotel parking lot. That sounds like the opposite of a photo op, but my photographer was basically a genius at making it look cool.
I couldn't be more excited to be in an elevator. My MOH, on the other hand, is not impressed.

I sassed it up in what looks like a garden, but I promise you it was an asphalt wasteland.

The photographer put the girls on the spot to do something "silly," and I loved seeing how awkward they all got. I'm pretty sure my SIL (the 2nd one) did a booyah dance.

They pretended to be decent human beings too.

And we posed together. As you can see, I alternate between showing teef and not showing teef. 

Seriously how did she make these flowers look so real?? (Also do you spot my bee charms?)

I'm contemplating my new life with my ball n' chain.

These photos were a blatant ripoff of the sunglasses photos I included in my must-have photos post. I have to say, they came out even better than I expected. The pink sunglasses look so friggin badass, I can't even stand it. And, spoiler alert, later on the guys got jealous that they didn't have matching sunglasses. Girls rule, boys drool basically.

What bridesmaid photos were on your must-have list? On a scale of one to ten, how badass are we with our matching sunglasses?

Monday, October 22, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: First Looks

I didn't do a real first look with Mr. Unicycle. Instead, I had a first look with my bridesmaids and another with my dad. Well, sort of. I don't think anyone knew there was a first look going on, except my photographer, who had diligently memorized my wedding photo requests post.

When the bridesmaids busted through the door, coming back from their hair appointments, I was in my full bridal look (minus eyelashes). As soon as I saw them I said "DID YOU GET THE EYELASH GLUE?!" And they responded with this:

Oh yeah, I look absolutely beautiful right now. I should soak up the attention for a bit.

I realize now that these pics are a little out of order, because they were already in their dresses in the last post. Oops. Sue me. 

The next first look (also out of order, dang it!) was my dad. He knocked on the door, and I wanted him to open it, see me, weep tears of joy at his little girl all grown up, and have his emotions photographed for all eternity. Apparently he didn't get the memo because when he came into the room and saw a camera in his face, he got flustered and confused and went back outside. He thought he was interrupting a photo, when really he was the photo. (Clearly neither of my parents read wedding blogs or care about my SPECIAL DAY. Kidding.)

So his reaction was not as emotionally charged as, say, Mrs. Balloons's dad, but whatevs. I guess you'll see who I take after when you read my future recaps about how I awkwardly didn't cry or show any emotion whatsoever...

I also took some douchey, narcissistic photos in the hotel room.
I'm laughing at literally nothing. What am I doing with my life?

Those eyelashes are WILD friggin' ANIMALS. Put them on a leash! Lock them in a cage! Hide yo' kids/wife!
This is the "Guess who just farted?" face. But I didn't fart, I swear. That's just the face one would make if one had farted.

Did you have a first look with your dad, bridesmaids, or someone else? Did you spend half your wedding day laughing at nothing per your photographer's orders?

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: The Eyelash Saga and Other Tales

I don't really remember the details of my wedding morning very well. I know my mom showed up at some point, because she and I were going to get our hair and makeup done in the hotel room. And I know my bridesmaids all left together to get their hair done at a salon. And I think there was some sort of continental breakfast that I was too nervous to indulge in.

Yup, looks like there was.

After the girls left, my stylist showed up. When I booked my stylist through Asha Salon in Streets of Woodfield (an Aveda salon) the wedding coordinator told me she thought I'd really like my stylist, as if she knew me really well and had hand-selected a stylist for me. I was like "yeah whateva." But when I actually met my stylist, I really did like her! She had that funky retro style that I wanted, and she was apparently known around the salon for wearing Adele-esque makeup, which if you remember correctly, is also what I wanted.

Image via Glamour / Personal pic from trial

My mom is always a little wary of "funky" looking stylists--ours had buzzed the back of her head and dyed it hot pink--and I was like, "Mom, unless you ask her to buzz your head and dye it hot pink, I don't think she'll do that to you." And surprise, surprise, she didn't.

personal pic

personal pic

She gave me the most out of control bump of all time. I had requested that my hair be even bigger than it was at the trial, and she definitely delivered.
personal pic

personal pic

personal pic

While she worked her magic, I played the 90s Pop station on Pandora and reminisced about Junior High dances of days gone by, and how I never thought I'd ever get a boyfriend, let alone a husband. Who ever thought I'd get my wedding makeup done to the dulcet tones of the Spice Girls?
personal pic

personal pic

At some point the stylist started looking around frantically. She couldn't find the eyelash glue! (Cue dramatic music {90s dramatic music, if possible}). My mom and I were a little...psychotic about our fake eyelashes. I mean, I basically only decided to get married so my mom and I could wear fake eyelashes for a day, so can you blame us for getting anxious when our dreams were jeopardized?? Luckily, my bridesmaids were able to make a stop at Walgreens and pick some up for us. What a great story that was.

Meanwhile, my photographer showed up and started taking pics of all of my accessories.
I wore two bracelets, one was a "something borrowed," and one was a "something old," which was also borrowed. The necklace is the $175 knockoff I made, the earrings were $8 in a boutique, and the ring is another "something old," which belonged to my great-great(etc.) grandma back in the olden days (I don't do history, remember?)

Surprisingly, the dresses chillin' in the window shot was one of the most difficult shots to set up. I helped the photographer hang them, which proved nearly impossible since there was no actual curtain rod. We may have inadvertently damaged some property too. Just kidding...but seriously. I also love how realistic the paper flowers look in the pro pics! It makes my many hours of crafting/Lifetime movie watching seem worth it. Almost.

While I waited for the eyelash glue to arrive, I decided to put my dress on. By this point, the videographer and second shooter had shown up, as well as the photographer's assistant. So the room was completely full (and the videographers were boys) so I got shy and just put my dress on in the hotel bathroom. It was the most unceremonious wedding dress put-on I've ever seen. To make up for it, I left it unzipped so my mom could be photographed zipping it. How authentic.

My mom was confused about why I needed help zipping my dress. (It really was the simplest dress to put on.) Clearly she doesn't read wedding blogs daily. I was like "MOM this is your DUTY!"

Then my stylist finished my eyelashes and lipstick

Next it was time for the accessories. I had about four cameras in my face for these shots, which I'll use as my excuse for why I look so awkward.

That's as much as you get of my bare leg! You pervs! 

I friggin love this veil so much.

And then, I was almost ready to get going. There was just one thing left to do...stay tuned to find out!

Are you/did wear(ing) fake eyelashes to your wedding? Will/did you get dressed in front of everyone, or are you shy?

Monday, October 15, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: The Freakout Part 1

Please indulge my melodrama for the duration of this post.
My go-to pic to illustrate melodrama

After the rehearsal dinner, the bridesmaids and I headed back to the hotel for a girly sleepover. We watched silly wedding shows, drank some wine, and looked up hairstyle ideas on Pinterest (nothing like waiting until the last minute, ladies). This should have been a fun, relaxing night, but instead I was a ball of nerves.

I know, I know. I was about to marry the hottest guy on the planet and have a big, special party in my honor--there are worse fates. I shouldn't have a right to complain when there people worse off than me in the world, like those who still wear pleated pants or have never been exposed to the salted caramel mocha. I admit it, I really should have just been grateful to have bridesmaids. 

As the party wound down, I got a little worried about going to sleep. I wasn't very tired, and I felt sick to my stomach. I panicked. And as the other girls drifted off to sleep (trust me, they were all friggin snoring) I just lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling sicker and more nervous.

This picture still makes me nervous to look at.

I thought back to my practice trip down the aisle, when everyone looked at me, and I imagined how it would be at the real ceremony. I was paralyzed with fear and anxiety. Then I started getting emotional about moving away from my family, and feeling guilty for making all these people come into town for my wedding...basically everything I felt after my shower was coming back, and I felt icky.

Guest photo
And this is how I looked the next day. Not pretty.

You know how, when it's dark outside and you can't sleep, whatever's worrying you just gets worse and worse? And when you wake up the next day you literally see everything in a different light? It was like that, except I still felt terrible the next day. So not at all like that.

I finally drifted off to sleep and managed to get about 4 hours in before I woke up for good. I wrote my wedding morning post (which, now that I look at it again, reads very much like this post) before my bridesmaids got up, and then it was time to hit the ground running!

Was the night before your wedding calm or full of anxiety? Did you sleep alone, with your fiance, or with friends?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Two Wheels Become One: Gifts and Impromptu Speeches

The feasting part of our rehearsal dinner ended with Mr. Unicycle and I whisper-fighting about how to go about handing out the gifts to our parents and wedding party. We hadn't discussed giving any sort of speeches at the rehearsal dinner, nor had we prepared anything, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time. We wanted to thank everyone for being at our rehearsal, for helping with the wedding, and for being our friends/giving birth to us, but we also wanted to say something to the effect of "we will now be bestowing gifts upon you" but more eloquently. I mean, you can't just stand up from the table, wipe the pizza sauce from your mouth, and start silently throwing presents at people. That'd be weird.

I married the devil, basically.

So the end of our meal went like this:
Mrs. Unicycle: Just stand up and make a quick speech!
Mr. Unicycle: You do it!
Mrs: But you're the man. (wipes pizza sauce from mouth)
Mr: But this was your idea!
Mrs: But you're the man! [clearly I'm good at debates. And clearly I'm a progressive feminist.]
Mr: We don't need to give a speech!
Mrs: Yes we do!
Mr: No we don't!
Mrs: Hello everyone, thank you for coming!

Side note: Talking loudly is not my strong suit. I physically can't do it. Old people are basically out of luck if they want to converse with me. End side note.

I don't remember exactly what we said in the speeches, but we said something to the effect of "thank you for being our friends/giving birth to us." Then I handed out the bridesmaid gifts one by one and said a little something about each girl.

Bridesmaid L: I thanked her for flying in FOUR times for wedding stuff--two showers, the wedding itself, and one weekend just to make flowers with me and attend a pointless wedding expo.

Bridesmaid B: She designed our save the dates and invitations for free because she's a world famous artist. In return, I gave her a bottle of beer in a chevron bag. 

Other Bridesmaid L: She had to listen to me talk about wedding stuff the most since she lives locally, and she also helped me pick out the venue and make other big wedding decisions.

Bridesmaid K: I applauded her for being the first bridesmaid to pick her bridesmaid dress. She's also the "sister I never had" since she made the crazy decision to marry my brother.

I also gifted our reader/my cousin with a bottle of vino, and told everyone how I look up to her because she does everything a year before me, including graduating college and getting married.

Then it was Mr. Unicycle's turn. He was unprepared to say anything about his groomsmen, and I learned that night that he's somehow a worse public speaker than me. I'm pretty sure he just said "this gift is for Mrs. Unicycle's brother. And this gift is for Mrs. Unicycle's other brother." How heartfelt.
 He must have said something nice to his own brother though.

Next, we gifted the parents. I'm pretty sure at one point I thanked our parents because "without you, we literally wouldn't be here tonight." Har de har har. What a jokester.

Shortly thereafter, the party wrapped up, and the Unicycles shared their final kiss as an unmarried couple. Then I headed off to the hotel for a bridesmaid sleepover!

Do I have to end every post with a question?