4 Ways to Feel the Week Before Your Wedding

I'm one week away from MY SPECIAL DAY and I'm feeling...normal. I always assumed I'd be one giant ball of stress and nerves the week before my wedding, one emoticonless-vendor-email away from a total Godzilla style city rampage (on that note: vendors should seriously be using smileys in their emails to me these days. It hurts my feelings otherwise. Or at least throw an exclamation point in there. It's the least you can do). Mrs. Turkey didn't become a manic nutjob the week before her wedding, but I assumed I would, considering I have been since I got engaged. Instead, I'm feeling a little like this right now:

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Cool as a m*****f****** CUCUMBER!

There are 4 possible ways I expected to feel during this week:

1. Stressed out:

 

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This is how I've felt for pretty much the past 15 months. If you recall, I made practically the most ridonkulous wedding google doc ever to organize my wedding planning efforts, and this to do timeline has been driving me crazy since early 2011.

I expected to feel extremely stressed out the week before my wedding, but truthfully, I have nothing left on my to do list. It's all done. I'm even starting to get a little stressed out about how not stressed I am. And I legit watched 3 straight hours of television the other day. WHAT. Isn't there something I need to be doing right now??

2. Emotional:

 

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I've been a great big ball of emotion since Mr. Unicycle put a ring on it. I cried at a Fancy Feast commercial AND a Folgers commercial, I watched several Hallmark Christmas movies un-ironically, and I tear up at work when Landslide comes on the radio. But the other day (I shit you not) I decided I felt like crying--it hadn't happened in a while, and I thought I was due for a crying sesh. So I turned on our first dance song, pictured myself swaying with Mr. Unicycle, and...nothing. Can I haz tearz plz??? I'm fresh out of emotions.

3. Excited beyond belief:

 

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Oo-ah, oo-ah! / eyyyyyy!

Excitement is another feeling I've had a lot throughout my wedding planning journey. Every time I think about walking up the aisle as Mr. and Mrs. or backin' dat ass up on the dance floor at my reception, I am overcome with Nintendo 64 style excitement.

 

But I've conditioned myself to keep in mind that the wedding is really far away, and to keep my excitement in check. However, the wedding is really not far away anymore, and I just cannot fathom that it's happening next weekend. When did this happen??

4. Nervous:

 

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I know what you're thinking: this photo looks more like constipation than nervousness. I assure you, it was not constipation.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm nervous. I didn't even think to be nervous until they all asked me that. I was so focused on my to do list that the thought literally never crossed my mind that I'm going to have all eyes on me pretty much all day. What if my 5 inch heel gets caught on the aisle runner? What if I pick a wedgie and it's caught on video? What if I spill a drink on myself like a sloppy drunk? Even as I type these questions, my heart rate is not increasing. I can't even make myself nervous by thinking about the worst case scenarios. Who cares if I trip and fall? It's my special friggin' day. I can honestly say I'm not nervous at all.

It's probably a good thing that I don't feel overly stressed, emotional, excited, or nervous. After all, I'm not having any problems sleeping or eating, and I'm not feeling sick with nerves.

But in the week leading up to this momentous event, it would be nice to feel a little bit like I'm about to embark on the first day of the rest of my life or something. Instead of, well, this:

 

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How did you feel in the last few weeks before your wedding? How do you expect you'll be feeling? June brides: How are you feeling right now?? Anyone else completely numb?