The Sock Dance

I have a hilarious story to share with you guys about our garter toss. An anecdote, if you will. Bear with me; it's funny. Play this song while you read:

 

 Back when I was a freshman in college, before Mr. Unicycle and I were an item, we went to bingo on campus one Wednesday night (right after we finished our 4 pm dinner). It's what freshman did. For the first time in my life, I actually won a game of bingo. This probably sounds like a good thing to most of you, but I'm the kind of person who declines entering raffles in fear that my name will be picked in front of everyone. I was hesitant to yell "BINGO" in the middle of a quiet room, so all my friends yelled and jumped up and down like apes until they noticed me. Instead of just collecting my prize in a dignified manner, I instead had to spin a wheel in front of the whole room, which dictated which prize I won. I didn't win the iPod or the lava lamp or the Wii. No, I won a package of socks. Men's white socks.  The crowd laughed, and I went back to my seat clutching my prize.

 

Image via Old Navy

So now there was the problem of what to do with the socks. They were too big for me, and I only wear colored socks because they're easier to match with their partners in the laundry. Plus, white socks always turn gray, which is disgusting. I decided to pass them out to all my guy friends who lived on the floor above me. Everyone I offered socks to took a pair--except Mr. Unicycle. He was too proud for bingo socks??

 

Personal pic

"You really think I need socks? Hah. Amiright ladeez?"

Once the socks were distributed, my roommates and I concocted this elaborate fantasy wherein each boy who had received a pair of socks from me would do an impromptu (yet perfectly choreographed) jazz dance across the newly opened bridge outside our dorm--wearing only the socks. They could choose to put the socks on any part of their body they wished, of course. I'd even allow them the courtesy of a 3rd sock if they needed it (I'm generous). The dance would be done to Feelin' Good by Michael Buble, the song I embedded above.

 

Image via Zazzle

Like this, except the tuxedo would be replaced with a sock.

The dance we came up with involved slow grapevines, low snapping, and a bit of rhythmic jazz hands. It was a very sensual, smarmy dance, only made better when you remembered that the dancers would all be college guys wearing 2-3 socks and nothing more. They might even be carrying canes. Possibly a top hat or two. Might as well dream big. The dance came to be known as The Sock Dance, and we talked about how epically hilarious it would have been all the time, to the point where I genuinely believed we could orchestrate this dance if only we had the right resources.

Personal pic

Ooh maybe they'd all smoke cigars too! Sexxxy. And unhealthy! Don't try this at home!

Finally one day, my roommate and now MOH said to me, "Miss Unicycle, you know this will never actually happen, right?" What a buzzkill.

When it came time to pick a song for the garter toss, Mr. Unicycle said "How about the sock dance?!" I was like, "You idiot. That's a dance, not a song." But then I realized he meant Feelin' Good. Done, and done.

So as Mr. Unicycle lasciviously strips the garter from my thigh using his teeth, all the single, strapping young men at the wedding will be lining up, possibly doing an impromptu, yet perfectly choreographed dance. In nothing but socks.

I think my MOH might have to sit me down and burst my bubble again before the wedding.

Do you have any funny stories about songs you selected for your wedding? What song did you pick for your garter toss if you had/are having one?