I'm Dreaming of a Post Wedding Diet...

...even worse than the one I used to know. It's been said, extremely misogynistically, that once you put a wedding ring on a woman, she blows up like a balloon. This statement makes me extremely angry. First of all, maybe women tend to get fat post wedding because they're having kids or their metabolisms are slowing down. Maybe it's because women tend to have a higher percentage of body fat than men. Regardless, it's really none of anyone's business, and it's horrifying that not only do women have to struggle to look perfect on their wedding day, but now we also have to worry about gaining the newlywed 9 and becoming a statistic.

That being said...I am really looking forward to being able to eat whatever I want after the wedding. Okay, I'll be real: my diet since the proposal hasn't changed that much, but I am definitely depriving myself of some of my old favorite artery-cloggers, and my patience is wearing thin (unlike my waistband. Not fair). Before the ring (B.R. from now on), I ate Frosted Mini Wheats with skim milk for breakfast; now I eat a banana. B.R. I ate a salad, 2 servings of fruit, and a bag of Triscuits with a Diet Pepsi for lunch. Now I've replaced the Triscuits with another serving of fruit (who knew those little buggers had so many calories????) and I've done away with the pop. B.R. dinner was a free-for-all, and weekends? I'm too ashamed to mention them. Now I try to eat a Lean Cuisine for dins. Weekends are still too shameful for me to write about. I may or may not be eating chocolate chips from the bag as I type...

 

Image via Kells Craft / edited by me

I'm hoping to lose enough weight for the wedding that I can eat whatever I want for a few weeks after and end up with a net weight change of zero. Actually, a negative 10 would be nice. This Christmas, visions of sugarplums are not filling my head (what are sugarplums, anyway??). Instead, these do:

• Italian beef sandwiches from Portillos. It's like a greasy party in your mouf. OMG I'm drooling now.
• Lou Malnati's pizza. My personal favorite Chicago style pizza. If you're visiting from out of town, I recommend you hit up Lou's.
• Hamburgers. From anywhere. I have a strange soft spot for patties of ground meat. In high school I was kind of embarrassed by how much I liked consuming red meat because none of the other girls ate it. I was the only girl at my table at prom to even touch the steak. 
• Root beer floats. I went through a phase last year where I made myself one every week, and damn do I miss those frothy days.
• Guacamole. I started liking it in the spring, and I'm still obsessed. Too bad it's pure fat.

Have you cut back on unhealthy food during wedding planning? What artery-cloggers are your pining for this Christmas?